Are You a Mean Girl?

The dreaded mean girl…we all remember her.  The comments that cut like a sword and lacked all compassion.  The intentional exclusion just to exert her power, the public cruelty for her entertainment  

Maybe we have seen her in our daughters friends, classmates or teammates.  Maybe we recognize her in our sons girlfriend. 

Do we, however, recognize her in ourselves?   

Have you ever said any of these things to yourself? 

• I am not good enough• I am not pretty enough• I am fat• I am not smart enough• I don’t fit in • I don’t have the skills• I have nothing to give the world, I have just been a mom for so long (my past favorite)

I was just at a Life Coach Conference and one of the Master Coaches asked a fantastic question…. Would you talk to your 6 year old self that way?  This question stopped me in my tracks.  Would I allow someone to speak to a child, any child the way I sometime speak to myself?  

Would you allow someone to speak to your 6 year old this way?

• You are not good enough• You are not pretty enough• You are fat• You are not smart enough• You don’t fit in • You don’t have the skills• You have nothing to give the world, you are just a child 

Are you your own mean girl?

Would you tell her she wasn’t pretty, smart or good enough? Would you tell her she wouldn’t ever have the skills, talent or anything to give the world?   I’d offer that each of us would answer “no” to these questions.   We would call anyone who did, a “MEAN GIRL” and be horrified. 

Have you locked up that 6 year old and refused to allow her to believe? If we would never speak to a 6 year old little girl that way, why then do we speak to our adult self like this all day long?   Perhaps I can offer that we don’t speak to the 6 year old that way because we don’t want to crush their potential, their dreams, their idealism, their belief in themselves and that anything is possible.  

Are you Open to the possibilities?

What if, however, we started speaking to ourselves like we would that 6 year old version.  Anything is possible.  You can do whatever you are willing to work for.  You don’t need to change your weight, hair, your age, you don’t need to “fit in” whatever that means, to feel like you can chase your dreams or live your truest version of yourself.  

You are exactly who you need to be right now

Words Matter

What would you have to say to yourself to hold love and belief?  How is that different from how you speak to yourself now?  

I challenge you to start speaking to yourself as if you matter.  Tune in to your self talk.  Is it serving you in any way?  Belief is a thought you offer yourself over and over again.  

We come to think this thought is true “I am not enough”.  It isn’t true, its the story you have told yourself. It is a mindset.     What did you think of yourself before the world told you who you were?  

Can you be the girl who stands up to the Mean Girl inside your head?  Tell her she has no place here.  Notice the language you speak to yourself and move from mean to compassion, belief and self love.   Anything is possible my friend.  Speak to yourself as if it is.

Need help changing how you speak to yourself, I am here for you friend.  Changing your mindset takes practice, tools and self compassion. You are enough, worthy and I believe in you.  

That little girl grew up into AMAZING YOU!

Commit to stop saying one negative thing to yourself this week.  Catch it, notice it and release it.  Share what you are releasing so we can cheer you on friend.  




  1. Cary Gannon

    Love this. Thank you for posting <3

  2. Laura S.

    An even better question: what’s the solution when you had parents who were the equivalent of the “mean girl” and you’ve believed them your whole life?

    • nolagephartcoaching

      Hi Laura,
      As a child you don’t have the ability to decide so many things. As an adult, however, we can choose what we want to continue to believe. We cannot change our past, it is simply what brought us here. We do, however, get to decide what we want to continue to believe, and what we want to walk out. If we continue to look at our parents “mean girl” behavior and give it power, we are losing the ability to chart our own future, they are continuing to decide for you. Deciding that the past just was, we cannot change it, and that you and only you get to design your future is where you can regain your agency and let go of what you cannot change. I’d love to chat if you would like to explore this a bit more. Thank you for your thoughtful comment Laura.


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