Things I have learned BECAUSE I have kids

We ponder the things we teach our kids, what our kids teach us, but what have we learned because we poured into these little humans, because we are a mom.  In my case, so very much and I hope you will share what you have learned with me too! 

Listening doesn’t require fixing

When our kids are little, we hugged out the owie, band-aided it up and popsicled a smile back on their faces.  Times were sweet and so were they.  As the teenage years rush in, we are so used to fixing it, that we miss the cue… just listen.  Often times, our kids don’t want us to fix their troubles, teach them a life lesson, and truly most times, by speaking we reinforce their thought that “you don’t understand” and sometimes they may just be right. 

We don’t always know what is best for someone else 

Even if that someone else is our almost adult child.  When kids get to teen years, we have hopefully instilled the values we want them to hold, but sometimes what we think is best, isn’t their path they choose. I have learned this so well with my second son – he walked his own path, charted his own future, knowing I had a cautioned him against it all.  Thank God he didn’t take my counsel.  He is his own man in spite of my advice and he is happy.  When I ask myself why I thought he should do something different – it came down to me – what I thought was best, but his choices aren’t about me…

Being silly is soul lifting 

Life can be hard, no doubt about that.  When I put aside how I “should” act and create space for silly… magic happens.  Laughter is guaranteed when I try some new dance with my daughter, spray my son with the hose, jump in front of the Xbox game just because.  These moments create room for laughter, form bonds from a loving eye roll and releases the need for “should.” When is the last time you were silly with your kids?  

Just because someone says it, doesn’t make it true

Our kids come home devastated because someone said their new haircut was ugly.  30 people loved it, 1 made an unkind comment.  Our brains discard the 30 in deference to the 1.  We then believe it to be a fact, not a worthless opinion.  This is where we create so much pain for ourselves.  Just because someone says it, does not make it true unless you choose to believe it to be true.   

Arguing with reality doesn’t change it

There has never been a truer statement.  I want my kids to stay 4, 6, 8 and 10, but they won’t.  I want other people to do the right thing, but they don’t. My kids want their coaches to not reward bad sportsmanship with playing time, but sometimes they do.  Arguing with reality or how others behave guarantees you nothing but frustration.  Kids grow, people behave badly, coaches don’t see the truth about their players sometimes… it comes down to managing your thoughts that cuts through the frustration and delivers peace.  

What have you learned from being a mom?  I would so love to hear and learn from you.  Leave a comment or some insight below.  Nothing more powerful than a community of women lifting each other… and that I know is a reality!  

XO,

Nola

2 Comments

  1. Rhonda Gephart

    You don’t always know what your kids want out of life. You may want one thing and they may want another. Just guide them.

    Reply
    • nolagephartcoaching

      So, so true Rhonda! Thank you for sharing these words of wisdom from someone who has raised 2 awesome kids!

      Reply

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