Trick or Treat

It has been quite a while since we have connected friends.  I have been living on the treat side of this equation these past few months.  Every 2 years, my mom and I are blessed to take a “bucket list” trip.  This year we traveled to interior Alaska.  In allowing myself this time with her, I got true clarity on the trick of the most complex relationship – Mothers and Daughters.

As we were traveling through the rugged wildness it struck me, how similar to a mother daughter relationship this environment can be. 

You can see it as harsh and unforgiving, allowing the beauty and splendor to escape you.

 Or you can see the majesty of nature, the bounty she brings forward, the love from its source of protection and nourishment.

My relationship with my mother is one of sheer grace. We have traveled seasons together – harsh winters and blossoming springs.

Now, we have arrived at glorious summer. With mind work, separating our stories from our truths and accepting one another for exactly who we are, we get to live in celebration and not sweating through the heat.

When we look to blame our mothers or our daughters for how we show up in our lives, we have relinquished the power and depth this relationship can afford us.

We are not mirror images of our mothers and our daughters are not mirror images of us.  When we believe we are a reflection of one another, we loose the ability to see where you end and they begin. 

Managing how we show up for ourselves and in relation to others is where we can grow the most.

Not every mother daughter relationship offers a healthy space.  The trick, however, is to offer that healthy space to yourself.  Arguing with what was or what should be, keeps you from that connection to yourself, you isolate yourself in your own mind.

Relationships are messy sometimes.  Exploring our thoughts and allowing them without judgement is where compassion for ourselves and for others can be welcomed.  

If you were to delve into your thoughts about your relationship with your mother or your daughter, what would your thoughts offer you?  Write them down, get curious about them and decide if they are serving you.

The thoughts you think are the foundation of your relationships.  Do you allow the sun to shine and radiate who you are, or do the thoughts scorch you with the rays and create a chill that cannot be warmed.  Know that you have so much more power than you may believe.  Here for you always friend.  


  1. Janine Sievert

    My mother is not here in the flesh.
    She passed away 16yrs ago
    Oct 29th, 2006

    My mother and I would often visit the cemetery where her father, my grandfather was buried.
    I can still hear her say, “This is only where his shell is beneath the earth. My father’s soul is in a beautiful place with God.”
    This comforted me so much.

    When my mom passed from a year long battle with Non Hodgkins Lymphoma, It was
    difficult, but she left us
    all with a gift.

    One day when she was very sick and at Hackensack Medical hospital she called all of her children to come be by her side.
    She asked the doctor to tell us all the bad news…that the cancer had spread to her lungs and it wouldn’t be much longer before she would die.
    My siblings and I went to the hospital and stood around her bed. She took off her oxygen mask and said, “I am not afraid,
    I am the lucky one because my family is here with me.
    I am only worried about you guys.
    I am going to see my father. I will be fine!”

    She was strong and a mother right until the end. My mother was the most amazing and giving person I know. I learned from her how to be kind and compassionate to people that may not be quite as lucky.
    My mom had a lot of friends. Everyone loved her. Some of her friend’s were people she helped.
    I find that this trait lives in me.
    I am most happy when I can help and make someone smile.

    My mother is all around me. I may not see her physically but I feel her presence often. I know she is with her father somewhere far better.

    Thank you for allowing me to bring up this memory Nola.

    xoxo Janine

    • nolagephartcoaching

      What a beautiful tribute to your mother Janine. Thank you for sharing your memory. Although she may not be here with you in physical form, your relationship with her is never ending so long as you carry those powerful thoughts about her within your heart. Your tie to your mom remains steady and strong as is her tie to you.


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