If you have to be Anti something, why not be Anti-Fragile
I will be sending my last of 4 children off to college in a few days. With my heart in my throat, I told her to strive to be Anti-Fragile. A term she knows well. I realized as I said it, however, I needed to share this term with my sons and anyone else who would listen.
Anti-Fragile is a state of being I have been striving to be in the last handful of years. It has allowed my life to see such change and to embrace more challenges than I ever believed I could overcome. I am working on being Anti-Fragile and I hope you will too friends.
So what does this mean?
A Fragile person is defined as being vulnerable, not strong or sturdy.
I wondered about this as being vulnerable is necessary for intimacy, love and growth in relationships.
Why would I want to be Anti-fragile?
This post may be more challenging to read than most of my posts, but so is being Anti-fragile. I am certain, however, both pursuing this state of being and reading about it, are worth the effort.
People fit into 3 categories for how we approach life.
Fragile - Robust or Anti-fragile.
A fragile person tends to avoid risk believing it will break them. Often times this person thinks of themself as fragile feels weak or even “damaged” ( a word I work with clients to get out of their vocabulary when defining themselves).
The fragile person avoids any chance of failure because that will ensure they won’t have to feel shame, disappointment or embarrassment from the failure, but it also keeps you hostage to your fears.
The second kind of person identifies as Robust. A Robust person can stand up to a challenge, but will likely only seek that challenge once if failure is the outcome because failure is associated with humiliation.
A Robust person sticks to what they do well so they can prove to the world that they are capable. This was how I believe others would have possibly described me…Robust, however, inside I was as Fragile as my grandmothers English tea set.
Now the Anti-fragile human…they are the rare person that looks failure in the face, refuses to back down from failure, embraces the feelings associated with the failure and understands those feelings are just part of growing and learning.
The Anti-Fragile person knows that the price of growth is discomfort.
The Anti-fragile person will fail and try again knowing that the chance of failure is real and the stressors will only make them stronger. This kind of person is resilient and sees failure only as a step closer to success.
The age old question, “what would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail” need not apply. “What would you do if you embraced failure” may be a more interesting question.
Let’s put this into an example we can all understand.
A toddler learning to walk. Most children are Anti-fragile. Why? Because no matter how many times they fail, how many bumps, bruises, or tears shed, they never give up and ultimately, they learn to walk!
If that child was Robust, it may take until they were 8 or 10 to walk because they would not be willing to feel the defeat after the first or second try. Only when they knew they could succeed or no one was watching would they attempt to master walking.
A Fragile child, may never try, or if feeling very brave, may try once and then give up. What would that world look like I wonder.
The child’s failures made them stronger - they are demonstrating what Anti-fragile looks like before fear takes hold and the world tells them to conform.
If we are Anti-fragile, we can embrace chaos, the unexpected, uncertainty, challenges and obstacles. When we approach our lives as Anti-fragile we get really good at overcoming obstacles because not succeeding isn’t an option, we just keep failing until we succeed.
We are able to lose the fear of being fearful because we are actually strengthened knowing we will gain strength from the failing. We become Anti-fragile and are no longer afraid to fail!
Remember fragile was defined as not sturdy or strong, vulnerable. That vulnerable feeling of fragile is no longer relevant because you know that feeling won’t destroy you. Once you endure the negative emotion, it loses its power and being vulnerable becomes a super power.
What does this look like in our personal lives. We no longer stay small. We allow our negative emotions, and see them for what they are, ways to make us more resilient and the currency for success.
This was my journey as a coach and I hope yours too. Stepping into the unknown world and trusting yourself through each and every failure. Being Anti-Fragile to take the challenge of whatever you are trying to achieve.
This is a bit of a mind bender, but truly amazing in a personal development journey. I wish for you my friend, the ability to seize your dreams by embracing the Anti-fragile person that lives within each of us.