Do you Sponge or Trampoline?
Do you Sponge or Trampoline?
Weird question right???? This is a concept I teach my clients and it is a powerful visual to keep top of mind in interpersonal relationships.
Just imagine, your 16 year old daughter comes home and shares with you that their friend was saying mean things about them that weren’t true. They are able to express that it was hurtful and they are really angry (huge win for the 16 yr old being in touch with their emotions and sharing with you - you are doing something amazingly right mom and dad!).
What happens next….you sponge. You absorb her emotions and get angry at the other child for saying mean things, you feel your daughters hurt and want to take it away for them and begin offering unsolicited advice (sometimes backfiring on you). You are swimming in their pool of misery and you are both drowning.
The reality… none of this is yours to own. As a parent, we want to show empathy and compassion, but when we sponge others emotions, we become wet and heavy and we just want to be wrung out.
We as humans do this all day long…with our spouses, our children, our parents, bosses, coworkers and friends. It is no wonder life feels hard sometimes, we are walking around absorbing other peoples emotions. If you are a people pleaser, this is magnified ten fold!
So what is the solution….trampolining - strange word, but stay with me here. Our daughters story of her friend who said unkind things lands for us. We feel the weight and the impact of the story. We want to be the “fixer” but the reality is, sometimes that makes things far worse, and often times, we weren’t even asked to help fix anything.
So what does this mean to trampoline? Let the story land, feel the gravity of the emotions being shared and felt by you, recognize they are not yours to own, and trampoline them back to your daughter with all of the love and compassion in your heart. What does that sound like? “I am so sorry, I can see how hurtful that was to hear. I am here to listen and I love you,” and the hug fest follows.
How is this different than sponging? You are able to support and love from a place of compassion and desire to understand. That feels far different than absorbing emotions that aren’t yours. It is actually an enormous gift we give to ourselves and those we care about.
By allowing them the space to own their emotions, we stop trying to fix things that aren’t ours to fix and we love unconditionally from a place empathy. The freedom that comes from not taking on others emotions and burdens is enormous.
The next time someone shares something with you and you feel the gravity and weight burdening you, ask yourself the question, “am I sponging, or can I trampoline this?” “What of this is mine to own.”
Need more clarification, send me an email and let’s connect. I love walking people through this concept because it is a sure fire way to find mental freedom and connect from a place of loving compassion.